Thursday, August 27, 2009

This is not a Blog

Good Morning Peoples -

I haven't posted a blog in forever and I'm going to start again. But first I had to see if I had the ability to post the blog up on my site. So this is my test. But because you clicked on this fucker, I'll write a little something for you.

I am in Stockholm Sweden and I have to go with Hitler on this one. There are some good looking mother fuckers over here. I don't feel that it justifies trying to annihilate all other races on the planet. What it really makes me feel is that all Hitler needed was a good wing man. If he had a good wing man, he might have been able to land one of these blue eyed broads, lost himself in her blonde pubes and the entire second World War could have been avoided.

Instead he tried to take the long way around.

(Evil Hitler voice) "Vat eff I eliminated al ze other creatures on ze planet? Unt deen I vould have a blond pussy for mineself for der vould be so few others... unt YAH, das ess good."

If you are reading this, then my post was a success. And I will finish the above in a reasonable amount of time.

25 comments:

Unknown said...

Nice to see your posting here... Thank God for you, Bill Burr. I just happened to see "Why Do I Do This?" (instant stream on Netflix, my first exposure to your work), and not only was it awesomely funny, but it helped me feel better about myself. All the funny things I observe but never mention to people (even to friends) make me feel very different from others... so it is comforting to know that there are other people do think along the same lines. Thank you. My self-doubt, combined with being unemployed for 6 mos, had really been grinding me down. That picked me up. I can't say I've ever followed a comedian's work before -let alone been to a show before (I see you're in Philly next month)- but I will follow your work, and wish you the best. :)

Colby said...

I am a recent follower and I am keeping my eye out for a Columbus, Ohio visit. My wife will absolutely hate you, but that's ok. I will just pretend like I don't know what your material is like and I wont get blamed for a bad night. Oh wait...of course I will!
Your Carrie Underwood bit on the podcast had me on the floor man, great work!

Nerde said...

Tonight's show in Sthlm was great! Thanks fro all the laughs, Bill! "Come to my house - We'll party" will be a classic! =) Come back soon!

Unknown said...

Damn dude so you're going to be writing a blog and doing the Monday Morning Podcast as well? GOOD SHIT!

I was just talking the other day to my boy about that whole blonde hair blue eyed fascination with the world. Like when did that become the gold standard of beauty? Whenever you hear people describe a beautiful woman they always have to emphasize that she was blonde and/or that she had blue eyes. Personally I like tan brunettes like Italian, Greek, or Spanish women. Like how many times will you hear of a celebrity going after the "20 yr old blonde" or "big breasted blonde"? Ya know what I mean? Like I could give a flying fuck if she's blonde or blue eyed. What ever happened to looking at the bitches face or body proportion? The fuck do I care if about the bitch if she has no ass, tits, or a busted face? No idea how most came to see those traits as a blessing, but I find it pretty funny.

BTW I hear Copenhagen has some good looking broads as well

Unknown said...

I'm like the first guy. I saw "Why Do I Do This?" via the instant stream on Netflix. This was the first I had ever heard of you. Me and my camp were chillin all hung over on a Sunday and you had all of us just rollin. I just checked your site and you're going to be in Dallas where we live on my birthday. So I might just get to see you LIVE AND IN THE FLESH very soon! So glad I found ya and thanks for the laughs!

Dave said...

keep it coming. keep it coming.

Unknown said...

Been following your podcast for over a yr now. My brother and I just love you! Glad to see you're blogging again. Hoping to get to see a live show but looks like Dallas area might be a bit too far for me. Best of luck and keep doing what you do!

** said...

Could you come back to Nashville, please? My boyfriend and I were broke last time you were in town. I'll buy you a ticket to the Grand Old Opry or something.

Luis said...

Bill, you rock!

Unknown said...

Just got my tickets to your 7pm show at the Fillmore in SF for the taping. I have seen you twice and you have killed both times. Don't fuckin let me down, and make it more hilarious than the 10pm show.

Unknown said...

Bill you are awesome, big fan !, I'm also a cop and a comedian. I actually do a podcast now on my site, I didn't want to totally copy your format, so I named mine the Thursday morning podcast. Seems like I get to about 15 minutes and I'm done, You do an hour like it's nothing, I doubt that most people know how hard that is to do, or how much talent you have to have to do that week in and week out. Keep up the great work !

Unknown said...

Dear Bill,

My name is Neal and I am a 20 year old college student in Illinois. Let me start off by saying that I’ve been a big fan of your work for quite a while. You’re ability to see through the bullshit in front of us all the time and call it out is something that I personally take pride in every day of my own life. The reason I’m contacting you is because of your open-mindedness, and affectionate demeanor toward conspiracy theories. Personally I really hate the term “conspiracy theory” because there are so many out there with such ridiculous and hallow accusations that people simply dismiss all of them. Most conspiracy theories are based on assumptions that are loosely put together with facts and figures that can be easily debunked.
I’ve been concerned with the state of this country, and in particular the political and economic drive behind it. I’ve kept my mouth basically shut about this because most people simply don’t wanna hear about it. They believe that if it’s not displayed in the mainstream media, then it must have no value or validity. With the resent economic activity (shit storm) in this country, people are beginning to see that something isn’t right. and just the other day there was a short reference to the federal reserve problem (the center point to our problems as a whole) on the Colbert Report… no I don’t view this as a news organization, but shows like this and The Daily Show are very popular especially in my age bracket. I’ve decided to use this as a catalyst, perhaps the first domino in the series to light a fire under the ass of my generation and break them from the apathy that has consumed the nation… Jesus Christ I do sound like a nut-case. Anyway please don’t take what I say and leave it at that, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGAaPjqdbgQ, here is a link to a video that I know you’ll find fascinating. It’s rather long, but never boring. My voice may only reach hundreds, where yours may reach millions if you so feel. Keep doing what you do best. And never pander to the majority just because they’re the majority.

“It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people’s minds.”
-Samuel Adams

P.S. Sorry I couldn't send this as an email, but my computer was being a cunt.. I'll have to look into this for the future.

Survival said...

seriously the funniest fucking dude ever i fuckin love you

Richard Grady said...

Bill,

Does it creep you out when people strap on the knee pads and get busy polishing your knob in the comments section?

I went to one book signing ever. And it was the most awkward thing ever. I come up to some brainiac author like I have something say to him, and you can tell the guy is more uncomfortable than a fat chick in corduroys.

This diminutive but brilliant man was looking at my ugly mug and was freaking bugged out.

I read these comments here and wonder if you ever think about boiled rabbits and shit when you read these.

By the way, you are the all time greatest. I watch your videos everyday. I don't know what I would do without you, Bill. I know your material by heart...see what I mean? Yikes.

averagejoe said...

Hey Bill,

I went to see Brian Regan(and Dennis who I actually think is at least as funny) last night and was wondering when you are coming to Denver. I've only seen you once (HBO '06) but seriously thought you were the funniest guy I've seen since Sam Kinison. No kidding. You also reminded me of a Navy buddy from Worcester. He was a good dude.. and funny as hell too. I tried to email this direct but don't know how to set up Outlook.

Thanks and take care.

Jim

Unknown said...

Hi there! Who was the comedian who opened for you in Brea, Improv, CA on Sunday, February 21, 2010? It was a great show!

Tara Holinme said...

I love your work. Every time I get really pissed and want to slam someone's head into their food, I think of your bit. Instead of punching anyone, I just laugh hysterically, people think i'm batshit crazy, they leave me alone (or run away terrified), and no one gets punched.

Unknown said...

Dude, WHEN are you coming back to Stockholm? "You can come to my house"!

Unknown said...

Bill! We need you here in LA!!! Come to the laugh factory or we could see you in irvine.

Keep up the laughs and all the best.

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

It would be badass if you would come to San Antonio, Texas. I know you have a large fan base down here and I would definitely go see your act.

Bobby.N said...

Any plans to come down here to Melbourne, Australia? (Big fan)

admin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
admin said...

Bill Burr ...here i watched some videos... i didn't know for you until few days ago...

Your humour is awesome... hehe

Tom Busch said...

"...to me is what all art is – getting comfortable enough to tap into whatever gifts you were given. Say you played an instrument. You know those guys who are so good they can just play what they hear. They think it and their fingers make it happen on the guitar or something. That’s the same principle. But to me that seems way harder. I’m not musically gifted, but it’s the same thing."

-- Bill Burr